lost cat.

WARNING! Zelma went missing on Nov 11. Not a day too early, frankly. Last seen in Heywood park to the horror of pigeons and small children. Be very careful in the neighbourhood! Female with tiger-tail and a matching flair for murder. Will purr her way into your house and take your loved ones hostage. Needs no help: she will find food and shelter and will outlive you. Don’t fall for her meowing, she’s a manipulator and an excellent one at that. Zelma isn’t homeless or abandoned, she’s sly, scheming and devious. Adopt a war criminal before you adopt her. We’re not disclosing our number. If seen, call the city pound or the nearest hunter.