Dear Transport Authority / Underground Railway Section! (I was considering to use some more personal way of addressing you, but you will understand that given what has passed between us, I’d rather stick to the standard formalities of correspondence.) My name is Charles Aznavour (well, clearly my stage name, but then again that’s how you know me anyway), and I hereby come forth with a business (!) proposal that could put an end to our previous grievances — yes, I continue to hold it against you that your security officers, armed with pepper spray and batons (one each), were ready to slap handcuffs on me (luckily that never actually happened) and kicked me out of a metro station in a manner that I personally found grossly inconsiderate. You (the TA/URS) say that my musical performance on your vehicles is against a number of city regulations and I am breaking the law because I humbly accept monetary contributions from passengers wishing to express their appreciation of my art. Hence, my proposal: from January 1st (as our joint New Year’s resolution), I shall hand over 50 percent of all of my “earnings” to you. In exchange, I respectfully demand your concession allowing me to promote my skills on your carriages from 10am to 5pm on weekdays at any chosen three stops during lunch hours, and additionally, between 4pm and 8pm on weekends. Also, I request an access to staff toilets. My rough guess is an income of about 980 euros per month for the Authority. Please, consider my offer in earnest. Yours, CA.
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